I always had this list of impossible things I wanted to accomplish before I hit 30; a list that shrunk with the years as I became wiser and realized I cannot have it all.
My birthday is right around the corner, and I'm turning 29. I was recently contemplating on all the things I have accomplished so far-which is something I do only when I'm nearing the end of a decade (it's happened at 9 and then at 19)-and something amazing happened.
Two of my major goals before I turned 30 were to publish a book and to become a doctor. When I was 26, I got anxious about both, since, back then, it seemed as if I was getting nowhere with either of these goals. I started panic-querying agents (for my novel) and panic-learning (for my PhD), in the hopes that I might get there faster, and possibly check off some other stuff from my before-30 list.
Needless to say, panic-doing-anything got me nowhere. The only real progress I made came with peace and mindful working. Of course, writing a PhD thesis and writing a first novel are both roller-coaster experiences. Both involve endless, sleepless nights thinking about my project, and many, many teary hours over my keyboard. That's okay, tough. It's what I signed up for. You can't expect a PhD to go smoothly; or a novel, for that matter. But they're both so fulfilling, I can't imagine spending my 20's in any better way.
These I-wasted-my-20s videos keep popping up on my YouTube page, and it's got me thinking how sad that must be. Our 20's is the time when we explore who we are and learn how to be independent adults. It's a decade of growing, learning, and reflecting (though this can happen at any stage in life). Hopefully, by the time our 20's are over we have found ourselves and are now ready to act on what we've learned. This is how I view the very definition of settling. Settling is the act of adopting a more steady or secure life. It's an active verb, and it has to be done with intention, after we have each found the right place to settle in. It doesn't have to be a permanent job, or a home, or family. It could be a state of being.
My 20s were a journey of discovering my fashion style (or, better, lack thereof), the ideal diet that suits me, the best way to exercise for my body and soul. Through trial and error I found out which morning routine works best for me. I became more assertive, more confident in saying no. I learned the value of family, and detached my self-worth from the product of my work. I may have learned this the hard way, but I know now: I am not what I produce. And I am not what other people think of me.
Unfortunately for my 9-year-old self, I have not won a Nobel prize, and possibly never will. But as a 29-year-old, I am right where I need to be. Although I don't have a secured job for when I graduate, and I can't live off of my earnings from the stories I write, I know I'll be okay. Because I know who I am.
Almost 3 decades on this planet! Woo-hoo!
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